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Giant snails are invading Florida

Snails 01 While Boston is up in arms and the flames die down in Texas, Florida is facing an ecological disaster:

An invasion of Giant African Land Snails.

Now, you may not be that scared of snails, but when I hear about an invasion of mollusks like this, there is only one thing that comes to my mind.

Slugs, a movie about Small Town USA that gets invaded by mutant flesh-eating slugs. Only imagine what would happen if those slugs were giant-sized, and had their own armor plating.


Even before they get their upgraded fangs, these snails were chewing their ways through walls and gorging themselves on entire plants instead of just leaves like their smaller cousins. Just imagine what they would do once they get their first taste of flesh.

But wait, that’s only the beginning!

Each snail reaches sexual maturity in six months, they can then produce about a hundred eggs a month, and they can live for close to a decade. With the rate at which these things breed, it wouldn’t take long for evolution to turn them into the horrible mutant beast like a Pokémon from Hell. It’s only a matter of time before they take over the entire state, then the entire South Eastern United States, and from there its only a matter of time before they destroy the world.

Snails 03

This isn’t the first time Florida has run into these guys:

In 1966, an outbreak occurred in North Miami after snails smuggled by a 10-year-old boy from Hawaii were released by his grandmother. Nine years, and about 18,000 dead snails later, the snail pest was finally removed.

But the Miami-Dade outbreak is much bigger, and as a result could take longer to contain.

“We’ve collected 120,000 snails in just the past 18 months,” Fagan said. ~Via NatGeo

The last time they had a massive invasion like this, it took them ten long years to fight them back, and that was just from a couple of smuggled snails. They’ve already captured six times as many snails as they killed in the last war, and they aren’t even anywhere close to winning. For all their hard work the last time this happened, all it did was delay the inevitable. Now, with hundreds of thousands of the beastly snails out there, and no real end in sight, there really is only one option, take off and salt the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.