OK, first off, when did Blossom get a PHD? Maybe I should actually start watching Big Bang Theory, aside from all the forced nerdiness, it’s apparently nothing but a nostalgiapalooza of actors from my childhood. That said, why is this even a thing? Everybody should know how Superman shaves.
Kevin Smith even references this in his video, but then dismisses it for some kind of comet to the face crap. But it’s not just this one snippet of a comic that shows him clearing his stubble in this manner…
We have two TV shows that demonstrate the same exact practice of using heat vision to shave. But let’s say that never happened. Let’s pretend that his heat vision would melt any mirror that he tried to do this with. How else could he shave?
Well, Superman could shave like Hancock does.
Likewise, in a comic universe, getting a magic blade would be a lot less troublesome than it would be for you or I. I’m sure that Wonder Woman or Shazam could find him one with little to no problem. Baring that, with enough speed and force (two things he has plenty of), he could probably use a titanium razor to shave with. He’d have to replace the blade pretty often, but if he did it fast enough, he could probably cut even his super strong hair.
My question would be, what happens to his hair after it’s shaven? Remember, we find mummies that are thousands of years old, and they still have hair on their heads. Our normal hair will outlast our frail human bodies, so what does this mean for Superman’s Superhair? When his stubble clogs the sink, is there any type of drain cleaner that will help to unclog it, or would he be forced to hire a plumber to put all new pipes in? Every time Superman shaves, does the sewage treatment plant break down thanks to all the invulnerable hairs ruining the pumps and machines? At some point, they will probably demolish the building that Clark Kent lives in now, only to find that the drain pipes are indestructible.
Really, there are only two questions that need to be asked here, and neither of them are about how he shaves his beard.
The first would be, if Superman’s hair is so unbreakable, why doesn’t he grow it out, eye laser it off, then have it woven into thread to make clothing with? Aren’t there a few, not so invulnerable, members of the justice league that wouldn’t mind having some super armored clothing?
The second would be, how the hell does he manscape? Does he laser off the hairs around his little Super Guy, or use a super belt sander as Bill Nye would have you believe? Is there any way for the Man of Steel to give himself a brozillian that’s not going to be incredibly dangerous for the future of the Kryptonian race?