Lauryn Hill thinks black people are stupid.
I know what you are thinking, “That’s racist, and Lauryn Hill isn’t the least bit racist at all!” But that’s pretty much what she said. You see, Lauryn Hill was recently sentenced to three months in jail for not paying close to a million dollars in taxes to the federal government. Her excuse for not paying?
“I was put into a system I didn’t know the nature of,” the 37-year-old hip-hop diva said. “I’m a child of former slaves. I got into an economic paradigm and had that imposed on me.” ~ Via NY Daily
Wikipedia lists her parents as an English teacher and computer programmer, and states that she was born in 1975 in South Orange, New Jersey. The last shot of the Civil War was fired in 1865, after that, slavery in the United states would have been over. Likewise, the last person to claim to be a surviving slave died in 1971 at the ripe old age of 130. It’s doubtful that he snuck into momma hills bed and impregnated her with little Lauryn four years before her birth. From this, I can only assume that she means “Africans” when she says “slave”. She is saying that, since she was the child of African Americans, she didn’t understand that she owed taxes.
How one can not know about taxes in this day and age is beyond me. Taxes are one of two certainties in life, the other being death. Has she not heard of Nick Cage’s tax problems? Or Wesley Snipes tax evasion conviction? Hell, celebrities as far back as Judy Garland had the IRS coming after them. Tax evasion is even the only thing that they could get Al Capone convicted with. Everybody knows about taxes.
You can’t walk into a mall or watch TV in America between the months of February and April without being bombarded by people who want to help you prepare your taxes. Everybody knows that you have to pay taxes. Claiming that you couldn’t figure this out because you are black is just idiotic, not to mention racist.
But it gets even better:
“I sold 50 million units now I’m up here paying a tax debt,” the Grammy winner and mother of six said. “If that’s not likened to slavery, I don’t know what is.”
First, if that isn’t a great example of a humblebrag, I don’t know what is. Second, even as a registered libertarian that wishes the government would keep its grubby fingers out of my wallet, I wouldn’t even think about comparing paying taxes to slavery. There just isn’t any comparison.
I should add that her father was a computer programmer in the 70’s, a time when a personal computer cost thousands of dollars, and programmers were generally highly educated and not kids with too much free time and a torrent of Visual Basic for Dummies. Likewise, in order to be an English teacher, one would guess that a certain amount of literacy would be required. Owning expensive things, literacy and education are generally things that were denied to slaves. To distance her even further from her supposed slavery, I would like to point out that she was a cheerleader and classmate of Zach Braff in high school.
Maybe Lauryn Hill and Tila Tequila should get together and talk about how The Man is keeping them down. They could collaborate on an album or something.